The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said "I would like to come back as a cow". I said "you're obviously not listening".
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering years after it's been eaten. No it’s not Cucumber!
It's called a wedding cake.
Man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the ironing is building up"!